Dangerous Meta-Rules that we must avoid

This week, while studying the family psychological system, I came across something very interesting called meta-relules.Meta-rules are very important because understanding them can help families identify and address patterns, and dysfunctional behaviors, and also promote healthy communication relationships.

A good example of a common meta=rule among families is  "don't talk about it" rule. This rule often arises in families where emotions are not openly expressed, and members avoid discussing difficult or sensitive topics. 

Discussing intimate topics such as romantic relationships with parents or siblings can make many teenagers feel uneasy, potentially causing concern or discomfort among their loved ones. Similarly, in other family units, broaching sensitive subjects such as pornography, substance abuse, or discussing other family members may create an uncomfortable atmosphere in the daily family environment

Another common family metarule is the "be strong" rule. This rule often arises in families where vulnerability is not valued, and members are expected to hide their emotions and deal with challenges on their own. Personally, I think this has happened to me many times. Many times I have had moments of vulnerability in which I have felt very bad, but I have avoided sharing it with my parents or siblings because I do not want to worry them and that perhaps this situation will change the way they see me.

Although many metarules can have negative impacts on family dynamics, not all are necessarily detrimental. In fact, some metarules can be positive and promote a healthy and happy family life. For instance, rules such as "making the bed before doing anything else after getting up in the morning" or "the person who doesn't cook has to do the dishes" can improve the quality of family relations and foster habits that contribute to personal and family success in the future.

One positive family metarule could be "communicate openly and honestly." This metarule encourages family members to express their thoughts and emotions in a respectful and constructive way, creating a culture of open communication and trust. This can foster stronger relationships between family members and promote a supportive and collaborative family environment.

Now you may probably think about what are some of the metarelgas in your family. I invite you to review the meta-rules of your families that have helped you become a better person and those rules in which you may need to make some changes.

Upon analyzing the metarules of my family, I discovered that a particularly beneficial one was the expectation of being willing to serve in tasks that others may not want to do. Even though we never openly discussed this rule, it was evident that one of the most prevalent patterns in my family was the readiness to tackle "dirty work" that others may shy away from.

For example, at parties or events, my family and I would often stay behind to help with the cleaning after everyone else had left. We made a habit of waking up early to assist others with tasks. Additionally, we were willing to offer rides to individuals who were in need, even if it meant going out of our way by several kilometers.

on the other hand, a metarule that has had an impact on my personal growth is the notion of "avoiding being the center of attention." While modesty has always been a core value in my family, it has been taken to the extent that we tend to be quite introverted and share very little about our lives with others to avoid coming across as superior or more important than anyone else.

But over time I have realized that it is not always bad to talk about our strengths and many times showing that we are talented in something makes people value our company and helps us create bonds of friendship.

Reflecting on our own family's meta-rules can help us understand how they have shaped us as individuals and identify areas where we can make positive changes. While it is important to recognize the negative impacts of some meta-rules, it is equally important to acknowledge the positive ones and apply them to our own lives.

By doing so, we can create a supportive and collaborative family environment, where open communication and trust are valued and celebrated. Ultimately, understanding and addressing meta-rules can lead to healthier family relationships and personal growth for all members.